Eyeliner

I was twelve when my kid sister was born. Due to the difference in ages, our relationship was always warm, cozy, lovey, and easy. I was always cool. And she was always adorable.

I could never count how many times I have done Caroline's makeup. When she was small, before she actually wore makeup, I would do her makeup when I babysat her, or I'd do her nails on the weekends. When she got older I would show her how to do her eyes in different layers of eyeshadow, how to hide a zit, how to use blush to fake better cheekbones (a genetic failure for our family). I did her makeup most recently this past fall for her Homecoming dance, smoky eyes to go with a little black dress.

This Christmas, while the family was lounging post-meal, I leaned against Caroline and asked her to teach me how to do eyeliner the cool way she does. We went up to our bedroom at Grandmother's house, sat on the world's most uncomfortable bed, and Caroline did my eyes. Pale grey, with black eyeliner snaking slightly upwards at the end, Cleopatra-like. I'm not a fan of eye makeup usually. I'm more of a flavored lip gloss girl. But I wanted to see my eyes the way she does her own, and it felt neat to have her do my makeup fo a change. The lesson was brief (symmetry is the key), the results were pretty, and I don't think I'll ever forget it.

There's some silly symbolism there. Some passing of the torch. Some circle of life. Years of teaching her that coloring in her lips with lip liner and covering them with gloss is much more effective at long term color than lipstick. And in the span of 10 minutes in Grandmother's guest room, with my eyes closed, I was happy Caroline was growing up. I've always been rather sad that she stopped being 5, stopped thinking I was eternally cool, started thinking maybe I was a bit boring or square or unexciting. I am glad we are different, glad she is an artist, glad she loves things I never loved. I am glad she has things to teach me, bigger things than eyeliner, glad she dreams things that never crossed my mind. I am grateful that she's brave and strong and beautiful, even though she probably dismisses those things herself. I feel honored to be the girl that sang her to sleep with Les Mis tunes, and I'm excited to see who she becomes. It will be something great, that is all I know. And that's all that's really necessary.

I'm still not a fan of eyeliner. But I will ask her to do my eyes again. Happily.