Yes, I know, I have not posted in a millenia. But after a mind-numbingly boring, I-want-to-kill-myself exciting, what-the-hell-am-I-doing-here, margarita-glass-with-a-garter-around-it type of summer, I have decided it is time to return to the wonderful world of Blog.
I've been working for a non-profit here in New Orleans as a legal intern and am presently counting the days until I leave for ha-vy-ee. Yup, Hawaii (for those of you who did not get my pronunciation key joke). But, my life being my own, I have had a few dear problems pre-Hawaii to deal with and I would like to discuss those with you now.
1. Boogers. Yes, boogers. In my eyes. Evidently I have succumbed to a not-so-rare, not-so-horrible eye disease witha name I forget. Not pink eye, something much more gruesome and emotionally damaging. Imagine someone ice skating over your eyeballs but instead of using your basic ice skates decides to strap machetes to their reeboks and go hogwild. Doesn't that sound enjoyable? And when machetes are NOT dissecting your cornea, you just plain look like a freak because your eyes water relentlessly. I don't mean a tear here and there. Oh no. I mean waterfalls running down your cheeks. Do you know what it's like to be having a reasonable conversation with your supervising attorney only to have him grab a tissue and say, "Really, it's gonna be fine. The court date rescheduling isn't that big of a deal" because amidst the discussion of Client X's concerns you have begun to sob uncontrollably. No, you do not know what it's like. Because only I am the legal intern with an eye disease.
2. Dried Mangoes. Have you had these? Because I need to be stopped. Someone needs to tie me down and keep me away from Whole Foods indefinitely. I can't afford to pay my credit card bill but dammit I am going to get me some dried fruit at $8.99 a pound. Yes. It's life or death. I left my house at 7pm last night in the middle of my new favorite book to drive across town to the Whole Foods and spend $12 on dried mangoes. And a green power shake. In my mind this is healthy. In my soul I know this is a new form of crack.
3. Speaking of crack. And obsession. Have you read the Jasper Fforde Thursday Next series????? Is Jasper married? Does he need an intern? Because I could spend the rest of my life happily making up satirical quips about 6 fooot tall hedgehogs, annoying Dickens characters, Wuthering Heights' Heathcliff's anger-management problem, and Falstaff's disgusting ploys for sex. The man is a genius and I am HOOKED. I read The Jane Eyre Affair and enjoyed it but didn't rush out to buy the second book. I thought it was a cute, semi-dorky book that only a recovering English major could enjoy. But then I found myself obsessing over what Thursday Next would do next, what literary crime would she solve? Would the Prose Portal be rebuilt? Oh the agony! So now I'm on Book Four (Something Rotten) and am already lamenting the absence of a Book Five. I want to be a litarary agent. I want to jump into books and talk to Captain Nemo when he's on vacation in a crap crime thriller. Sigh. Reality is so lame.
