"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail, "There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my tail! See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance: They are waiting on the shingle--will you come and join the dance?"
Sunday, December 23, 2007
The Perfectly Iced Cookie
Friday, October 19, 2007
In case you were wondering...
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
My kid sister
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Little Blessing
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Well what did you expect?
Thursday, September 27, 2007
I Want to Be Ina Garten When I Grow Up
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
I miss it
My not-so-secret dream
Why didn't I go to culinary school instead of law school? Someday I will open a bakery. A beautiful, yellow-trimmed, red-bricked bakery. With tiers of cupcakes. Vanilla bean icing. Ganache ripples. Rosemary focaccia. Apple dumplings. Wrought-iron chairs with soft floral cushions. Each seat will have a warm blanket draped over the back, in case customers get a chill from the fall air and want to wrap themselves in love-worn chenille while they sip cider and lick chocolate off their fingers.
I will do it.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Weddings are so fun!
Sunday, August 19, 2007
A bit of a hiccup
I've been reading again, real books not law books, and it has been at once exhilirating and depressing. I remember reading pre-law school, pre-bar study, and I remember it being fun and rejuvenating and inspiring. Now, it is still those things on occassion, but it kills me that my attention span has been destroyed by months of cramming. Bar exam studying, for those who have had the pleasure of not experiencing it, involves 7-10 hours a day (on light days) of learning, re-learning, memorizing, practicing, outlining, graphing, comparing, digesting, and beating various rules, theories, and tests into an unwilling brain. It is impossible to learn everything that can be tested so you become a master at focusing on the key points, the big tests, the most logical outcomes, which means you skim ridiculous amounts of material very, very quickly. This works well for the bar exam. It does not work well for experiencing Susan Sontag's In America or anything written by someone other than a law professor. I have to remind myself to slow down, to read every word, to picture and imagine each sentence. I have to reacquaint myself with READING, for pity's sake. READING. This is me. Reading has been my greatest escape since I was five. And now I've lost it, or temporarily misplaced it. Very sad. Very pathetic.
I am in limbo these days. I don't know if I've passed the bar and won't until October, so finding a job is difficult since I'm unable to practice law until I'm licensed. And the job search itself is painfully complex since I'm interested in many things, some which require bar passage and some which do not. I'm not emotionally invested in the idea of practicing law. Litigation seems interesting enough but from my perspective today it doesn't thrill me. I'm curious about transaction work and feel I'd be good at it but curiosity seems a strange thing upon which to base a career. Perhaps the most frustrating part of the search is talking to people about what I'm interested in. It's odd, when you talk about going to law school, everyone applauds the choice because law school "opens so many doors" and there are "so many opportunities" to use the degree OUTSIDE the practice of law. This is quite true, to an extent. But these days, if I mention pursuing positions outside the realm of Law & Order or The Firm I feel like I'm met largely with cocked eyebrows and questions as to why I don't want to practice. It isn't that I don't want to practice, it's that I'm very interested in many non-practicing career paths. Why is that so hard for some people to digest? And more importantly, why do I care?
Tuesday I'll be headed to Katherine's wedding in California. It's odd to think it's happening, that such milestones have finally arrived. I remember when she called me to tell me Nathan proposed. I was in Little Rock, after Katrina (there's an earlier post about it somewhere), and I was in bed staring at the sparkly stucco on Mamaw's ceiling. When I saw Kat's number pop up on my cell I knew she was engaged. I just knew that was what had happened. It was so nice to have a slice of celebration during those months of waiting and watching the news. And now The Day has arrived. A week from today she will have been married for over 24 hours. Life happens so fast. Sometimes I wish it would slow down so I could breathe a bit. But some days, like today, I wish this year would be over, wish I could skip ahead 12 months and have the reassurance of knowing I'm employed and possibly happy and living somewhere fulfilling (here or elsewhere). But then I'd miss Kat's wedding, and who knows what other happy moments, so it's a wish that I don't mind God ignoring.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
I'm Currently Studying for the Bar Exam
The weather's nice.
I drink a lot of coffee.
And I go for walks.
Leaving New Orleans was awful. But I think maybe I'll like it here, too.
There is a great Ethiopian restaurant, so that's a bonus.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Mardi Gras, Caenaveron, A little Louisiana for everyone...
Beads on wires, beads on trees. I think it's one of my favorite times in the city, just after Mardi Gras. The crowds are gone, the streets are quieter, no more parade traffic, but the beads are still there, still shiny and pretty and hanging from anything that can be hung on to. Eventually, maybe a couple months from now depending on the rain, the beads will fade and dull and bleach in the sun. Eventually, they'll be sad little reminders of a party, mini-invitations for next year's shenanigans. Kinda pathetic, really. But for now they're still lovely.
But there is another Louisiana I saw today. I'm doing a project on river diversions to create new wetland. My partner, Brandi, and I, with her husband, drove to one such diversion, Caenaveron, this morning. After what can only be described as an adventure getting to the ferry, we crossed the river to the side heavily hit by the Katrina surge. It's amazing, really, and I don't understand the science of it. How one side of the river is fine and the other leaves nothing but shattered skeletons of homes and empty foundations. I think the diversions are important. I think they could work, in theory. But, heavens, it seems like chump change sized up next to all the destruction. And I suppose that is my state's dilemma these days.
There is so much that's gone wrong for Louisiana, some by luck and some by its own lunacy, inaction, and readiness to sell to the highest bidder. How many price tags are there? How many homes to rebuild? How many street lights to repair? How many deaths to mourn? How many businesses demolished? How many schools still unopened? How many acres of wetland destroyed? And that last one, that wetland question, it pales in comparison of importance for almost everyone. Including myself. If you asked me today would I rather see an uprooted family back in their pre-Katrina home, rebuilt and happy, or see an acre of wetland restored, I would quickly choose the former. And I am one of the educated ones on this issue. Environmental impacts, environmental law: this is what I've chosen as the focus of my legal education. I KNOW the link between wetland destruction and New Orleans' fragility to future hurricanes. I know that the wetlands are our best defense. I know that we brought this on ourselves to some extent, that the failure of the levees is one thing, the wholesale prostitution of our wetlands another. But wetlands do not have a face, despite their importance, they do not evoke the same emotional reaction as a family left homeless. Because I can vaguely imagine that feeling of human helplessness, what it would feel like to have your home rotting and worthless before you. It did not happen to me, but it came close, close enough for me to smell what that flavor of despair must taste like. How do I empathize with a wetland?
Unfortunately for the future of the wetlands, Louisiana's best hope, they do not cry loud enough. Which isn't to say that you can't have both, restoration of the communities themselves and the wetlands. But I feel like there must be an end to the money somewhere, that it's impossible to get in the first place, and when there's a shortage the windfall will go to building more homes in flood plains, and the wetlands will be left to fend for themselves (with the small but mighty support of environmentalists) against OIL and DEVELOPMENT (such wealthy patrons deserve all caps).
Today, after seeing a diversion which made me hopeful, and the destruction, which made me sad...the emotional balance weighs heavily in favor of pessimism. But despite everything, driving back, seeing the beads in the trees, I could not imagine a world without this city, this deltaic wonderland, so it has to work. River diversions, green spaces, urban planning, education and health care reform...all these ideas swimming around, they simply have to work.
(picture courtesy of Jason Rinehart, photographer extraordinaire)
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Longer Hair, Finally
Friday, February 09, 2007
An Edible Afternoon
I think a pretty day in New Orleans is prettier than any beautiful day in some other city. But I am fantastically biased...
Thursday, February 01, 2007
A Letter
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Friday, January 26, 2007
Just One of Those Days
And, just now, one nanosecond ago, I couldn't decide if I was done with this post.
Jeez.
Friday, January 19, 2007
The Pursuit of Happiness, Not Just Another Will Smith Movie
One of my other dearhearts, my other kindreds, Katherine, is not having so lovely a time. Love, yes, she has oodles of that as her fiancé is good at reminding her of happier days to come. But her back hurts today, and has been hurting, and it has been raining here for at least a lifetime. And we are all so so done with this chapter in our lives. So ready to see what’s next, to make homes and explore new lives. And I think she’s stifled here. It’s not really a feeling I can relate to, honestly. I’m not in love with anyone (but I’m feeling something). The closest thing to a lover I have at the moment is this city. She breaks my heart daily and I return daily for abuse, hoping this time she’ll love me back. Katherine, unlike New Orleans, has love waiting for her just a few months from now. Marriage, kisses, a white dress, a new home…all thousands of miles away and a few too many days to count. I suppose it would be tough, near impossible, to wait like that. Wait for your life to start. I think she’s a strong woman, and a patient one, for loving us as well as she does when her heart is so far away.
And then there’s me. And I’m happy. Happier than I’ve been in a long time. And I cannot tell what’s changed. I was so sad for so long, and so angry. Katrina ruined everything. Threw everything away that I thought I was keeping. Changed the city that I thought would be my forever home. My life felt like it was built by some outside consultant, some contractor sent here from Whoknowswhere to shape a life that would be Successful and Prosperous and Proud. But I feel safer now, and more at peace with where I’m going. I can only believe that God has a handle on the things I cannot see, that he knows where I’m headed even though I change my mind daily. I can only trust that he’s pointing me somewhere grand, maybe it’s here. And maybe it’s not.
You Need To Go To Delachaise
Try the chocolate souffle.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Baby, It's Cooooooold Outside
My Peace Corps friends will have the best understanding of this as I'm sure some of you nearly froze to death (like me) shivering in a house made out of stone with constant gusts of cold pushing through under every door, through every window (no window panes, people, just wood shutters), through the walls themselves. I used to boil water and then put it in my Nalgene bottle and snuggle up with that for the night (outfitted with leggings, sweatpants, sweatshirt, hat, gloves, scarf, and teddy bear). Louisiana is, of course, very different from North Africa, but there are days when the similarities are eerie. This morning I was sitting on my floor (cold) nibbling on almonds and hard boiled eggs for breakfast, dipping my egg in a mixture of cumin and black pepper and I had the most powerful deja vu of my life. I remember sitting on a similarly cold floor, cursing similarly messy soft-boiled eggs, eating similarly too-salty almonds, and similarly wishing I could crawl back under the covers.
Such deja vu led me to thumb through my old lesson planning book from Morocco. I had maybe 150 lesson plans written out, half of which I never got to use. I am so blown away by my innocence, my desperation to save a little portion of the world. I was so brave! And strong and undaunted. I jotted notes in some of the margins after class, and my messages are so honest and silly.
"They hated this."
"This was incredibly dumb."
"I love it here so much! And they really like the Shel Silverstein poems."
"What was I thinking?"
"Need to learn more Arabic before I try this one again."
"I wish the girls would participate more."
"Abdullah cracks me up."
I am so surprised at how carefree, and yet terrified, I was. I haven't reread my journal much. I've picked it up a few times, thumbed through a few pages, but I've never actually sat down and read through it. I always thought it would be so painful. But now I think I refrain from reading it because that life seems so far away and that girl that I was seems so much more powerful and self-assured than I am today. I feel like I should have "improved" exponentially since then. It's been nearly four years. Shouldn't I be smarter, stronger, more self-aware today than I was in that village?
But then I think maybe that's a ridiculous expectation to have of oneself. Why "improve"? I do not know that I am better at anything since leaving Morocco. But perhaps I am better at being myself, and less prone to moments of self-doubt. I think maybe law school makes one forget how powerful a person can be outside their career, their school, their future plans. Everything here seems so dollar sign-oriented and success is predicated on some outsider's vision of wealth and its attributes. That seems so silly to me. My ability to make the perfect pizza dough using only Moroccan ingredients and the most ass-backwards "oven" on the planet is not exactly marketable. But it's special. And cool. And it kept me warm on chilly days far from home.
Keep warm, everyone.