One of my dearhearts, my kindreds, Stephanie, has found the love of her life. I met him last night and he’s perfect. Not perfect. Perfectly imperfect and perfect for her. They compliment each other the way men and women are supposed to compliment each other. He teases her, which she needs. And she blushes when he looks at her. It’s a beautiful thing, love. And she hasn’t always been able to see how worthy she is of such a thing, so it’s good to see a good man sit her down and tell her not only that he loves her but she’s deserved that love all along.
One of my other dearhearts, my other kindreds, Katherine, is not having so lovely a time. Love, yes, she has oodles of that as her fiancé is good at reminding her of happier days to come. But her back hurts today, and has been hurting, and it has been raining here for at least a lifetime. And we are all so so done with this chapter in our lives. So ready to see what’s next, to make homes and explore new lives. And I think she’s stifled here. It’s not really a feeling I can relate to, honestly. I’m not in love with anyone (but I’m feeling something). The closest thing to a lover I have at the moment is this city. She breaks my heart daily and I return daily for abuse, hoping this time she’ll love me back. Katherine, unlike New Orleans, has love waiting for her just a few months from now. Marriage, kisses, a white dress, a new home…all thousands of miles away and a few too many days to count. I suppose it would be tough, near impossible, to wait like that. Wait for your life to start. I think she’s a strong woman, and a patient one, for loving us as well as she does when her heart is so far away.
And then there’s me. And I’m happy. Happier than I’ve been in a long time. And I cannot tell what’s changed. I was so sad for so long, and so angry. Katrina ruined everything. Threw everything away that I thought I was keeping. Changed the city that I thought would be my forever home. My life felt like it was built by some outside consultant, some contractor sent here from Whoknowswhere to shape a life that would be Successful and Prosperous and Proud. But I feel safer now, and more at peace with where I’m going. I can only believe that God has a handle on the things I cannot see, that he knows where I’m headed even though I change my mind daily. I can only trust that he’s pointing me somewhere grand, maybe it’s here. And maybe it’s not.
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