Running

I am slow.

I don't even time myself when I run. Sometimes it takes everything I have to run 2 miles. And then yesterday I hit 5 miles and felt I could run forever. Never, ever stop.

I don't look like a runner.

I feel like runners should be tall, lithe, smooth. I see them often around here. They're like statues with moving parts, and I have to force myself not to stare at that amazing slice of leg right above the knee. What muscle is that? I, on the other hand, am not tall, nor lithe, nor smooth. In fact, I am short, roundish, and have the grace God gave a donkey. I trip a lot. My nose runs. I have to remind myself to stand up straighter or my neck starts to hurt. I'm 70 lbs thinner than I used to be, which is lovely. But I still feel rather oafish sometimes when I run, like if I only had a few more inches I'd be better balanced, faster, smoother. And I can't help but hope that when the last 20 lbs is gone I will feel like I fit the road better. I don't care that I don't look like other runners. I'm not going to grow or suddenly have long, long legs. But I would like to feel like the road is meant for me, too, and not just them. And for now, I still feel like a usurper. Just a little more time, just a little more patience, many more miles, and I'll own a stretch of road, too, don't you think?

Slow and non-runneresque though I may be, I do love it. I love that 20 minutes or so into a run I hit some magical, bizarre, perfect stride that makes the ground feel softer and my legs feel like steel. I love that when I'm tired I just have to play a few keys songs on the Ipod ("Bixby Canyon Bridge" by Death Cab for Cutie, "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash, or "Mysterious Ways" by U2) to force a grin and another mile. I love that the weather is perfect for a t-shirt and my comfy North Face fleece. I love that my Asics are molded to my feet. I love that feeling right when I stop running, when I'm at the end, when my legs go from tense to sleepy, and my heart skips a bit and calms, I love how it feels to have done something hard. Done it well. I love that my body can do things now that it could never have done 70 lbs ago. I love that I'm strong and that I made myself strong. And I'm grateful God gave me that chance.