Dear Jerkface,
The next time you are inclined to speed in the middle of a rain shower AND do so dangerously close to a sidewalk, please keep in mind that the humans you see walking to school on the side of the road are trying really hard to stay dry. That's why they're carrying umbrellas. So, you can deduce from this that they are not appreciative of being drenched by the puddle your wormstinking carcass of a car just plowed through. I hope you have a really rotten day. I hope your peanut butter and jelly sandwich gets totally smashed. And I hope the apple slices your mommy packed for you (yes, you are 45 and still live at home) are brown and nasty by the time you get to eat your lunch.
Sincerely,
Me
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